walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
