forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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