Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
