If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
