Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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