you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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