i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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