We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
