Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
