This girl is more easily done than said...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
