She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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