Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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