Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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