my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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