dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
