Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
