i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
