Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
