Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
