Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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