I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
