Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
