dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize