After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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