Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
