I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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