Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
