I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
