I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
