i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
