okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
