Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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