Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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