Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
