He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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