I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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