capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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