after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
