Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
