Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
