I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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