we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
