Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
