Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
