Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
