there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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