he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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