im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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