Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
