Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
