craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
