every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
