similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
